To My Brothers in Seminary

NOTE: a letter to my sisters in seminary will be forthcoming. :) But for now,  I speak to the brothers.

Dear Brothers-in-Arms,

I've gone back-and-forth on whether to mention names or not. On the one hand, I want to give a shoutout to my classmates who have been true brothers, and praise God for them. On the other hand, most of you would be terribly embarrassed by such praise, and I'd no doubt (unintentionally) leave someone out, which I'd hate do to do. So I've decided to leave it fairly anonymous... but y'all know who you are. And I'm grateful.

Thank you for being true brethren to me. We've laughed, studied, cried (okay, that one's mostly me), prayed, parsed verbs, debated fine points of theology, broken bread, and lived life, all together. You've encouraged and exhorted me, offered (and received!) loving chastisement, cheered for me, and stood up for me. You've seen me as a classmate first, and a female second. You've understood that I'm not trying to be "one of the guys" here, but that I am one of the student body, and should be, as such, treated with respect. You've modeled good study habits, how to love family in the midst of grad school, and how to keep faith and a sense of humor through it all. One of you even coined the term "M.Diva," and that is priceless.

Some of you are also good friends of, and brothers to, my husband, and a blessing to our entire family. Rather than being threatened by me, you've chosen to live life with me and my family. You've understood that I understand healthy boundaries and that I respect your spouses. You've taken the time to get to know me for who I am and you've affirmed me in my calling along the way.

Many of you have used your relational capital and places of privilege to advocate for me, and for other Others (especially the faculty and staff--thank you). You've stood alongside me when it wasn't popular or beneficial. You've even chosen to bless and support me though we have many differences of opinion in matters of politics, education, practice, and theology. You have chosen to celebrate our areas of likeness, and provide safe space for exploring our differences. What a gift.

Many of you know what it's like to be the Other, whether by race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, or educational experience. You have graciously extended welcome and belonging to me where all-too-often, you have also known what it's like to be on the outside. Rather than nursing your own wounds, you have chosen to care for mine. That is true Gospel.

I am so blessed to know you, labor alongside you and your families, and to count you as brothers.
Gratefully,
Your Sister in the trenches


Dear Brothers-at-Arms'-Length,

I won't mince words here, but I hope I can speak both candidly and gracefully. You've hurt me (more than you know), mocked me (which I can handle), looked down on me (which is infuriating), and dismissed me (which hurts worst of all). For many of you, it's unintentional. For a few of you, you didn't realize just how hurtful your actions and words could be. And for a very rare few, well... we all need Jesus, is all I'll say.

You've asked me if my diploma will come with an asterisk (it won't), assumed I'm a raging feminist (I'm not), questioned not just my calling but my very faith (so that's helpful). I have been screamed at for daring to disagree with a professor, told that my type of "diversity" is not needed on campus, and condescendingly called "honey." I've been asked, several times by the same person, "Now what is your degree program, again?" as though he was hoping he'd misremembered, or heard incorrectly the first eight times.

I think some of you really do think I snuck on campus when no one was looking. For the record, I was recruited, welcomed, and affirmed by the staff and faculty. I'm not even asking you to accept me on my own merits, but rather to accept the leadership of our institution. If they endorse a certain student in the program, who are any of us to disrespect that? I also sought the advice and blessing of my pastor back in Atlanta, my pastor here in Jackson, and most of all, my husband. And I received confirmation and affirmation from all of them. A few truly rough days, my husband has comforted me as I wept. I guess I should thank you for further strengthening our marriage and my resolve, but I'm afraid it would be mostly sarcasm if I did.

But I am trying to forgive you. I'm trying to learn to pray for you, your ministries, and your families. I'm trying to see things objectively, not assume offense where there is none, pardon unintended offense, and extend grace where there is certain and calculated offense. You and I need the gospel, gentlemen. It is perhaps the one thing we can agree on, so I'll cling to that.

In Christ Alone,
A Sister


Dear Acquaintances, and Brothers by virtue of the Gospel,

Please forgive me for where I've judged you. When I've sensed judgement from you (deserved or not), when I've assumed I know your stories and your intentions. Thank you for your work on campus. Thank you to some of you who have worked hard to not judge me, to not alienate me, and who are also just trying to survive grad school. I hope we can be friends. I hope our families will get to know each other, and that I will rejoice as each one of you graduates, not because I'm glad to see you go, but because I'm happy for your successes. (Because let's be honest, it's going to be awhile until I graduate. As many of you have come and gone before, many more will do so before this part-time student/part-time ministry staff/wife/mama/church member earns enough credits to graduate.)

Especially to those classmates from when I first started seminary, thank you. Thank you for putting up with my outbursts in class, my then-terrible study habits, my newness to graduate school and formal seminary education. Y'all were very patient with me, and I'm truly grateful. I hope putting up with me prepared you well for those difficult congregants and counseling clients, etc...

Gratefully,
A Fellow Pilgrim


Dear Jesus,

You've called me, claimed me, and made me a co-heir in your Kingdom. You are with me everywhere I go, including school. So thank you for being my perfect brother in seminary. Thank you for humbling me, teaching me, leading me, growing me, and loving me through it all. And thank you for doing so in community. May my studies be glorifying to you, O Lord. May I learn from your perfect example and rely on the grace of the Holy Spirit to see me through grad school and all my endeavors. And may I labor not for my own glory, but for yours, and to see new brethren added to the Kingdom.  ... And may I please graduate before I retire?

Joyfully,
A Child of the King